SUNNNNNSHINE!!!!!!

Are you shitting me!!!! Blaine Gabbert!!!! QB OF THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like Riding a Bike

Gosh darnit has it been a long time since I have been back on this thing. Yes, yes I have some excuses but none of that matters now. Yes my life has changed greatly since I last wrote about anything. Yet, what a perfect time to get back into the swing of things. The NFL draft starts TOMMOROW NIGHT! Yes I think the Jags will draft a quarterback, and no I hope it is not Mallet or Dalton. Gimme Locker or Gimme Death. Or I would be happy with the guy from Florida State too....

More to come shortly, (and trust me, I have a ton of material).

UH OH Broncogaytor Nation...

I just want to give myself credit first and foremost for that excellent title....

Ahh that feels good thanks.

Ok, so that whole Tebow Bronco following makes me sick. Yes, he is a great guy, and who wouldn't want him to date your sister, but clearly this has been well documented that a 3rd String QB would not have saved the Jaguar franchise. Maybe the Gator fan's jorts are pulled up so high it is blurring their visiion. I think many of them may actually believe that the Gators are the Jaguars AAA team. Who knows, and I cannot wait til we destroy the Broncos on opening day. Thank you NFL schedule makers for giving us this....I also think we have found the ultimate dagger....

Many Jag experts, by this I mean Vic, and everyone else who gets paid to cover this team have stated that next year's draft (ignoring the fact Garrard is going to win the MVP and take us to the Super Bowl HEYO!!!) will start with the next franchise qb.

And who just happens to be on the most recent National Scouting Grade as the top Senior QB? Christian Ponder of FSU!!!!!! O I would love this. Lets bring the SPEAR to Jacksonville.

Of course this is still early, and he is coming off shoulder surgery, but hey, he scored over a 30 on his wonderlicwhatever test. I have no idea what that really means, but I know a high score is good, and a bad score means you get in trouble in night clubs like Vince Young....

And since our Night Life is lacking here in the River City, bring in PONDER!!!!!!

Gator Fans were in uproar when we took the best available player in last years draft because he did not go to Florida (look how Reggie Nelson and Derrick Harvey have worked out) just wait until we here their excuses about taking someone from the ACC....

I may have to buy 7 Ponder Jerseys, one for every day, so I never miss a chance to rub it in everyone of their gator lovin faces....

Here is a link to the post http://www.bigcatcountry.com/2010/6/21/1529503/national-scouting-grades-christian

Man's Guide to First Dates...

While I was at work today I had an epiphany. Men really need help with the first date. Why is the fist date important? Well simply, screw up and you will never get a second one. But then if you make it too awesome, she may run to the hills or constantly hold you to the high standard. It is important to very much be yourself! As the great Hitch said "it is not your job to get her to like you, she already said yes."

Anyways...

DO NOT TAKE HER TO THE MOVIES. It does not allow the two of you to talk. The only opportunity it allows is maybe the classy, smooth, arm around her shoulder move, but really we are not 15 anymore. Second, she may have already seen the movie you have been dying to see with a much better looking guy the weekend before....

DO NOT TAKE HER TO THE COMMON CHAIN RESTAURANT. Really Guys? You have been dying to ask this girl out for months now and the best thing you can do is take her to the place she visits with her girlfriends on a regular basis. Also, in all likelihood the food will not be that good, the service will be sub par, and the wait will be amusement park long. Pick somewhere fun. Hibachi, some local establishment, somewhere romantic, somewhere by the beach, somewhere not in the town center...

DO NOT NOT PAY. Even if it is something casual like coffee, do not give her the option. If she puts up a fuss, be cool, say "you can get the next time." Obviously your intention is to never let her pay, but hey, you have also put in her mind you want to see her again...

DO NOT TAKE HER ANYWHERE WHERE THE BIG GAME IS ON. Your whole idea is to get to know her, and for her to know you, this does not mean for her to see your die hard obsession with your team, or worse, ignore her...

DO NOT BE ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF. If you are a romantic guy, be romantic and show up with flowers, if you are funny, be funny. But don't pretend you are something you are not. It is not fair to her. Sure, you will be nervous, and more likely than not in full blown interview mode, but sooner or later she is going to figure you out and like or dislike you based on you. Also, do not change, the last conversation you want is "you don't treat me the way you used too"

DO NOT NOT OPEN HER DOOR.

DO NOT GO SOMEWHERE YOU TOOK AN EX. Even if it was nice, or it worked. You should never compare ex's, and it is even worse to try to re-create them.

DO NOT BE LATE. She is allowed to keep you waiting...

DO NOT NOT CLEAN YOUR CAR. She will notice if it looks like hell. You wouldn't go to church or a job interview looking sloppy would you? If you respect her, show her....

DO NOT TALK PAST RELATIONSHIPS, POLITICS, OR RELIGION. Even if that is her favorite thing to do.....

DO NOT POUR YOUR HEART OUT. The old adage "it is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt" rings especially true....

DO NOT NOT FORGET TO CHECK THE WEATHER. See, nothing is more suave than handing her an umbrella you had in the back of your car just in case. It would be even better if it was almost broken, you know, you could make some wise comment that this is the best day of this umbrellas life, or heck, this umbrella is the luckiest umbrella in the world, or hey even, well I guess walking with a pretty girl can be struck off this umbrellas bucket list.....

DO NOT FORGET TO CALL FOR RESERVATIONS. Find out what the attire is, find out if where you are going may be busy and to loud. All of these things matter men.

DO NOT HAVE LIL WAYNE BLASTING IN YOUR SPEAKERS. Even if your favorite rapper saved your mother's life do not have that rocking in your car. She is not impressed with your base system. The radio turned down low is fine, or even some kid of live music turned low works....

DO NOT PICK THE CLOSEST PARKING SPOT. By not choosing the closest spot it will allow the two of you to walk for a bit....Do not pick the farthest, this is just dumb and creepy...

DO NOT NOT DRIVE AND DO NOT NOT PICK HER UP. Please, do not tell her you will meet her somewhere....* If however you met her online, and this is a first meeting, choose an area of town that she is familiar with, and this is ok to meet her....

DO NOT SHOW UP DRENCHED IN COLOGNE.

DO NOT NOT SHAVE. And get a hair cut.

DO NOT TAKE HER TO A CONCERT. For all the same reasons as the movies. Now a baseball game, that is totally a good first date. Yall can talk, yall can laugh, yall can people watch and make fun of others. And most importantly, you can figure out if she eats hot dogs (any girl who doesn't is not worth your time)...

DO NOT DO A DOUBLE DATE. Grow a pair and ask her out...

DO NOT ORDER THE CHEAPEST THING ON THE MENU. This will pressure her to also pick something cheap. Do not also pick the most expensive thing, that is just making it seem like you are trying to hard. If she picks the most expensive thing, never ask her out again...

DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3 DAY RULE. If you are interested in calling her afterword, do it....if she is the right one, she will be more excited you did, than scared you may be a creepo...if she is into the whole game thing, than she needs to grow up...

DO NOT TRY TO KISS HER, BUT GOSH DARNIT WALK HER TO HER DOOR.

Top 5 Reasons Minor Leauge Baseball is Awesome.

Yes I know there is another sporting event going on right now, called the World Cup or something, but that will be over soon and we will all return to our soccer hating lives....

In the meantime I was reminded yesterday why our Nationan's...errr...your Nation's National Pastime is truly great.

While there is nothing like seeing the green grassy fields and smelling the fresh pine tar at a Major Leauge game, there is something about the Minor Leagues that is well, truly romantic...

5. By one get one free tickets. Where else can you bring a old Kraft singles wrapper and get a ticket for free? Trying do that at a concert, or the zoo. Ok Ok, maybe a Marlins game has promotions like that...

4. .50 cent hot dogs, ice cream, peanuts. 1 Dollar Beers on Thursday. It is deals like that that make dating fun again....

3. You get to watch kids before they are superstars. I mean, Mike Stanton, come on, I saw that kid play when he was only in AA. Strike that conversation up with a baseball fan, he will be so jealous. Heck, in my life time I have seen Roy Halladay, Vernon Wells, Milton Bradley, Manny Ramirez, Derek Jeter, Jason Werth, Grady Sizemore, even Jose Canseco and Daryll Strawberry!!!

2. The chances of getting on the big screen, or catching a foul ball are much higher. ( I don't know if this is true, but I have been on a big screen now and have gotten two foul balls, and neither happened at a pro game). (although I did catch a batting practice home run at Yankee Stadium).

1. Just another excuse to hang out with good friends.

Take this Subway...

"Eat fresh", my ass. Saturday I went to the Subway off Gate Parkway in the Daily's (or maybe Gate gas station) just past the on ramp to JTB. While I thought was going to be a quick in an out for a nice afternoon healthy lunch turned out to be anything but. What I did not know was I would be witness to the worst case of customer service I have ever encountered.

It all started when I approached the line to order. No one was present. I looked behind and noticed the two female employees eating bread in the back. Upon seeing me, one came out and said, and I lie to you not, "what do you want." I said "turkey sub on wheat." She then turned around and went back into the back and came out with a piece of wheat bread. Why the heck it was in the back I have no idea, but I ignored it....

So there we are standing facing each other and she does not say a word. I say, turkey please. Her response, "we need more turkey". I said ok. She yells to the other girl, to bring out more turkey. Now side note, I know what it is to work in a restaurant, and to run out of ingredients, but this was 11:30 (clearly lunch time) and they were not prepared at all.

So I stood there waiting for what seemed like a thousand hours as she cut the turkey out of the package and place it on my bread. She then asked what else. I said "provolone cheese". She then placed the cheese on my sub. At this point she goes into how crappy she feels and how she was out drinking all night (like I care). She asked me what my plans were ( i greatly appreciated the small talk) and said I was on my way to the beach. She then replied, are you going to the beach or to the beach ( i did not know there was a difference, and would have thought my bathing suit gave it away, but I said I am going to lay in the sand and swim in the ocean to remove all doubt)...

So we moved on to the lettuce, a key ingredient for a sandwich and one in which they had none of. She had to scoop it from the bottom to even remotely get close to the amount to which I am used too. This of course now angered me. She asked me what else I said tomatoes, lite mayo, and oil and vinegar. She replied all of our mayo is lite. Not sure I believe her since some are labeled lite and others just regular, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt....

Her next question for me was as follows "you don't talk much do you?" This of course was followed by one of my classic eat shit and die looks. My response was "no." I really wanted to say just "make my freaking sandwich woman" but restrained due to my higher sense of self worth at this point. She never asked me for a meal, or a drink.

Clearly this girl needs a serious dose of schooling, parenting, or some small sense of logic and customer service. The other employee did nothing more than grace my presents stuffing her face with bread (another attractive subway customer exp) and safe to say I do not think I will eat there again...

O yea, and I told her I did not need a receipt.

Why Men Love Sports....

This has been on my mind for sometime now, and I thought once and for all, lets clear this up. Woman, pay attention, and if we start looking like that guy, you have every reason to leave us....

Why Guys Love Sports.

First off, never say that is all we care about. It is insulting, and not true. Second, when we break it down logically, there is nothing different than watching sports, which are really nothing more than competitive entertainment, than say, hmm American Idol or Bridezilla (all perfectly acceptable in the book of female). So please, don't do it.

And here is why we love sports....

The Male Bonding Experience

You see, one of the reasons that men love sports is because they give us a chance to enjoy each other. We love our fathers, but never get a chance to truly express such love (if you come from a household where you do truly express such love, I’ll bet you know the finer points of interior decorating, or actually own a spatula).

Instead of offering us hugs and kisses, our fathers teach us important stuff: how to fight, change the oil, how to play sports, how to enjoy sports, and whether or not a girl is worth spending money on. We fall in love with our teams in a way that transcends enjoying mere entertainment. This is why we get emotional when our fav player retires. This is why Field of Dreams always chokes us up and most chick flicks make us laugh. We equate our favorite teams with love for our fellow men. They are our brothers. Also, sports is a way for us to network with other men. In the past week I have had at least 20 non baseball fans ask me if I saw the Kid Strasburg make his debut. Yes of course I did, but you miss the point, because I did I am able to talk about this with someone else, and who knows were this conversation would lead too (maybe a job) (although that is lofty thinking)...

Anyway, the main reason why we love sports is because sports provide us with an avenue by which we can connect with our fellow men. Understand this, and maybe you won’t find our love of fantasy so stupid and unnecessary.

The Respect Factor

Say what you will about any professional sport, but the truth of the matter is, that crap is hard. People complain about teachers making nothing and athletes getting paid so much, but you know what? That makes sense. You have a one in a million shot of becoming a professional athlete, and all you need to be a teacher is a college degree and a certificate from your state (capitalism baby, supply and demand). That’s another reason we love the sports and don’t mind how much money athletes make: we respect what they can do. Say what you want about Kobe or Tiger, but I cannot do that. I cannot throw 100 miles an hour, let alone hit it. I cannot skate circles around those guys, and in no possible way could I ever kick a field goal. We respect their hardwork, their speed, and the grace in which they make it look easy.

The Quantifiable Experience

Men are more logical (for the most part) than are women (who for the most part, are more emotional). Because of this, we enjoy experiences that we can easily break down. One of the reasons more men read about sports than music is because sports give us easy answers. Why is Peyton Manning worse than Tom Brady? Just go to the post-season statistics and your questions are answered. With movies, books, popular culture and music, no experiences are truly quantifiable.

This is why English class usually makes us bored: when you write passionately about music or popular culture, you are basically offering an opinion of abstract experiences. (In other words, everyone has their opinions on culture and all opinions have merit.) When you write passionately about sports, you’re basically describing what everyone else already experienced. (In other words, everyone has to admit that they’d sooner bet on Brady than Manning in the AFC championship—statistics don’t lie.)

Because of this, we can digest sports like nothing else. To men, sports are one of the few things on planet Earth that just make sense. Men don’t want to accept confusion. We want things simple. We don’t want drama and we don’t need passion. We just want to figure stuff out, plain and simple, and then move on to the next problem. Sports allow us to do that.

The Foxhole Experience

Another extremely important thing about sports is the camaraderie we get with one another through it. Watching your team, you feel like they are a part of you. That is why we dress up in our jerseys when we go to the sports bar or the game. We relate to them. In their struggle and competition, we find beauty in that. When they are in slump, we want nothing more for them to pull through. When the player off the bench has the game of his life, we also relate to his success. The size, strength, power, speed of these athletes is something we marvel at. They are our heroes. The other team is our vilans. It is good and evil, pure and simple.

Now, what does this mean for girls. First, it definitely means you do not call us out on this if you do not relate or understand our passion for our teams. It is our hobby, and in all likelihood something that has been our hobby since we were kids. That is not going to change. We love when you watch the game with us, or come with us. That does not mean you have to LIKE it. We just want you THERE. We do however want your SUPPORT. If we talk about the game, how some player is killing our team, we want you to listen. Do not shut us out, or you will regret it later. You see, part of the way we may open up and trust you is through talking about sports (that is how we do it with our friends, and our fathers). What may start as a simple Vince Carter cannot make a shot in the playoffs, could lead to hey you wanna go to Orlando this weekend? You see by tuning our passions out you may miss the opportunity to talk or do something fun. Tell us you hate our sports, and you will find yourself left out of a lot of events (that is what neither of us want). While it is OK to replace our team sheets with something pink with girly fluffy pillows and college sports themed bathroom, please don't take our sports. Besides, we all dream for the day we come home to you dressed as our teams cheerleader (I have got to stop writing what I am thinking).

You may read People Magazine, or TMZ, we pick up the box scores...