Men of Teal

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Why Men Love Sports....

This has been on my mind for sometime now, and I thought once and for all, lets clear this up. Woman, pay attention, and if we start looking like that guy, you have every reason to leave us....

Why Guys Love Sports.

First off, never say that is all we care about. It is insulting, and not true. Second, when we break it down logically, there is nothing different than watching sports, which are really nothing more than competitive entertainment, than say, hmm American Idol or Bridezilla (all perfectly acceptable in the book of female). So please, don't do it.

And here is why we love sports....

The Male Bonding Experience

You see, one of the reasons that men love sports is because they give us a chance to enjoy each other. We love our fathers, but never get a chance to truly express such love (if you come from a household where you do truly express such love, I’ll bet you know the finer points of interior decorating, or actually own a spatula).

Instead of offering us hugs and kisses, our fathers teach us important stuff: how to fight, change the oil, how to play sports, how to enjoy sports, and whether or not a girl is worth spending money on. We fall in love with our teams in a way that transcends enjoying mere entertainment. This is why we get emotional when our fav player retires. This is why Field of Dreams always chokes us up and most chick flicks make us laugh. We equate our favorite teams with love for our fellow men. They are our brothers. Also, sports is a way for us to network with other men. In the past week I have had at least 20 non baseball fans ask me if I saw the Kid Strasburg make his debut. Yes of course I did, but you miss the point, because I did I am able to talk about this with someone else, and who knows were this conversation would lead too (maybe a job) (although that is lofty thinking)...

Anyway, the main reason why we love sports is because sports provide us with an avenue by which we can connect with our fellow men. Understand this, and maybe you won’t find our love of fantasy so stupid and unnecessary.

The Respect Factor

Say what you will about any professional sport, but the truth of the matter is, that crap is hard. People complain about teachers making nothing and athletes getting paid so much, but you know what? That makes sense. You have a one in a million shot of becoming a professional athlete, and all you need to be a teacher is a college degree and a certificate from your state (capitalism baby, supply and demand). That’s another reason we love the sports and don’t mind how much money athletes make: we respect what they can do. Say what you want about Kobe or Tiger, but I cannot do that. I cannot throw 100 miles an hour, let alone hit it. I cannot skate circles around those guys, and in no possible way could I ever kick a field goal. We respect their hardwork, their speed, and the grace in which they make it look easy.

The Quantifiable Experience

Men are more logical (for the most part) than are women (who for the most part, are more emotional). Because of this, we enjoy experiences that we can easily break down. One of the reasons more men read about sports than music is because sports give us easy answers. Why is Peyton Manning worse than Tom Brady? Just go to the post-season statistics and your questions are answered. With movies, books, popular culture and music, no experiences are truly quantifiable.

This is why English class usually makes us bored: when you write passionately about music or popular culture, you are basically offering an opinion of abstract experiences. (In other words, everyone has their opinions on culture and all opinions have merit.) When you write passionately about sports, you’re basically describing what everyone else already experienced. (In other words, everyone has to admit that they’d sooner bet on Brady than Manning in the AFC championship—statistics don’t lie.)

Because of this, we can digest sports like nothing else. To men, sports are one of the few things on planet Earth that just make sense. Men don’t want to accept confusion. We want things simple. We don’t want drama and we don’t need passion. We just want to figure stuff out, plain and simple, and then move on to the next problem. Sports allow us to do that.

The Foxhole Experience

Another extremely important thing about sports is the camaraderie we get with one another through it. Watching your team, you feel like they are a part of you. That is why we dress up in our jerseys when we go to the sports bar or the game. We relate to them. In their struggle and competition, we find beauty in that. When they are in slump, we want nothing more for them to pull through. When the player off the bench has the game of his life, we also relate to his success. The size, strength, power, speed of these athletes is something we marvel at. They are our heroes. The other team is our vilans. It is good and evil, pure and simple.

Now, what does this mean for girls. First, it definitely means you do not call us out on this if you do not relate or understand our passion for our teams. It is our hobby, and in all likelihood something that has been our hobby since we were kids. That is not going to change. We love when you watch the game with us, or come with us. That does not mean you have to LIKE it. We just want you THERE. We do however want your SUPPORT. If we talk about the game, how some player is killing our team, we want you to listen. Do not shut us out, or you will regret it later. You see, part of the way we may open up and trust you is through talking about sports (that is how we do it with our friends, and our fathers). What may start as a simple Vince Carter cannot make a shot in the playoffs, could lead to hey you wanna go to Orlando this weekend? You see by tuning our passions out you may miss the opportunity to talk or do something fun. Tell us you hate our sports, and you will find yourself left out of a lot of events (that is what neither of us want). While it is OK to replace our team sheets with something pink with girly fluffy pillows and college sports themed bathroom, please don't take our sports. Besides, we all dream for the day we come home to you dressed as our teams cheerleader (I have got to stop writing what I am thinking).

You may read People Magazine, or TMZ, we pick up the box scores...

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