Men of Teal

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Always the Groomsmen...

Recently I was asked to advise a former teammate on his relationship and how to propose to his girlfriend. And since Hot Air Balloons, at a sports event (see idiot above), at another wedding or in a group setting are all over done and LAME, I figured I could help. Also this has been the 5th time I have had to do this, I figure I would use the power of the written word clear this one up once and for all my dating fellas.

First. Make sure you get the blessing from the father. I know it is old school, but it shows confidence, commitment and balls. And wouldn't you want a young whipper snapper asking you for your daughter? Duh.

Second. The date does not have to be important. By this I mean DO NOT pick Christmas, HER BIRTHDAY, New Year's Eve, or VALENTINES DAY. While your anniversary may be sweet, it is also a no no as it is too predictable! The best thing about a proposal is she has to have NO CLUE it is happening. Acceptable dates, the first time you saw her (do some math), the first day you kissed (drunk or sober, hopefully sober), the day the Blue Jays win the World Series.

Third. The ring. Ughh, this is the worst part. She wants a huge rock, you want to give her one, but do woman REALLY realize how much they cost? (I know the answer is yes, you guys are all Gold Diggers). While I understand it means a lot, it should not bankrupt a young relationship. I always have believed if she is the one, it won't even matter. But even still, read up on the 4 C's (copy and paste into google).

Fourth. The set up. Like I said earlier, it is KEY that this remains a secret. Now as hard as it will be to keep this contained, BE VERY CAREFUL WHO YOU TELL. This means, DO NOT TELL ANY FEMALE. You can tell your boys, they won't say a word, and they MAY try to talk you out of it (listen to them)!!!

Fifth. The presentation. This is where it takes a little planning, thought, timing, and preparation. If she is going to cook, clean, have your children, put up with your crap, allow you to play video games, allow you to watch the big game, allow you to go out with your friends, allow you to live, (girls, this is all we ask for...well there is one more thing..) SHE IS WORTH AT LEAST THIS MUCH. This means, ASKING HER AT A ROMANTIC DINNER IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. She has been waiting her whole life for this, do it right man (its brownie points).

So now you're asking me for are a few, followed by what to say..

Idea #1. Be romantic, use the first place you met her as the location. This could be anywhere from the cafe, work, church lobby, bar, whatever. Now, work it out SOMEHOW TO be able to access this ALONE! Call the minister, the security guards, whoever has access (what person is not going to allow you access for a PROPOSAL DUH!). Decorate it in advance, candles, rose pedals, whatever. Now since the place will obviously be weird to be entering at a bizarre time, this is where it is ok to lie. Tell her you guys are going out to a concert, a ball game, and that you need to stop by this place to meet (insert name here) to get the tickets. Perfect.

Idea #2. Romantic location. But do it one better. Blind fold her, and give her no idea where you are going. A look out point would be perfect in this case, time it with a sunrise or sunset. Carry her to the location (hopefully she is not to heavy), and stand behind her when you take off the blindfold.

Idea #3. Post it notes. Clean her WHOLE apartment. Get candles, rose pedals, and set it up as before hand. Leave a post it note on her door, explain her that she needs to put everything down, and follow all post it notes. (you can hide in the closet or wherever). First have her walk inside to a press a IPOD or song on a cd player (it is ok guys, we all have songs with our woman, its not homo to admit it). Make her press play so yalls song is in the background (loud enough for you to know she's here) Make her walk around a bunch of times following your notes, you can say sweet little nothings on each one, and a direction where to go next. Wrap the ring in a present and have her find it somewhere, and make her carry it. Direct her to where your hiding, kiss her and let her unwrap it.

Ok that was 3 quick ideas. Now what to say. For idea number one, count down the years, days, and minutes that it has been since you first met her (remember February has 28 days). MEMORIZE THIS. Tell her "it has been blah years, blah blah blah days, blah blah blah minutes, and blah blah blah seconds since I first saw your smile, and I cannot imagine living another second without you."

Idea 2. Hold the ring in front of her face. Make her hold the box. Tell her "from this view, I see 3 (the view, the ring, and her) of the most beautiful things in the world, and if I diamond means forever, than I want forever with you."

Idea 3. When she finds you and has unwrapped the ring say, "it has taken you these post it notes to find this moment, all the signs of my whole life lead me to you."

In all such instances get on a knee and ask the unlucky girl to marry you.
Alright guys, thank me later.

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