Men of Teal

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Is Chivalry on Life Support?

Ok, in our modern world of hustle and bustle, email, cell phones, text messaging (see below something has been lost and is the purpose of today's blog. What happened to chivalry? I have heard it said chivalry is dead and women killed it. I know in our days of Destiny's Child, women have been told to be independent, strong, and all, but what does that mean for men? Are we supposed to open doors? Are we supposed to take the check? Ugh. Let me divulge on some basic rules, some we should bring back, and other's well....

1. Stand when a girl (or elder) enters or leaves a room.
- never happens, its dead. I have only seen it once, and it was one of the Frats at Samford. I used to laugh at them and that rule can go the way of the VCR.

2. Boys should open doors for girls.

- This should still happen, and it includes cars! And when I say open a door, that does NOT mean open, run through, and have her make it before it closes. It means men, you open it, you stand to the side, if she hesitates you say "after you" and she BETTER say "thank you" or slam it in her face.

But what you make ask does one do with a REVOLVING door? This is the one case where we get to go first, because we are manly men and need to flex our muscles and push thing stupid thing!

3. Men should give up their seat.

- Whenever a girl comes onto a crowed train, bus, (not plane that is your seat), or lobby ask to assist them with their luggage or groceries, and give up your seat. If however she is one of those women who is on their cell phones (think lawyer types) don't bother, she won't say thank you, and she won't even realize your helping her, she is to fixated on patching her pathetic non exist family life. And if the sweet non lawyer girl doesn't say thank you, you have permission to verbally abuse her.

4. Boys should help women put on their coats.
- This means you stand behind her and just hold it up. You do not have to help her button it, nor assist with her scarf or gloves. I think this one is simple and we should bring it back.

5. Boys should buy drinks.
- no excuse ever. And girls, this means NEVER take a drink from another man (unless it is your birthday and he is a friend.) And friends, ask first. And if you smoke, light her cig.

6. Boys should order for girls.
- ugh this may be the worst most awkward, scary thing you could have to do. I mean what if you forget to mention that she cant have shrimp and she breaks out in hives? Therefore, it is imperative that you find out EXACTLY what she wants (this means take your eyes off her chest) and do it with confidence. The hardest part now is the waitress will probably ask her first. You would probably have to feel out the girl first though, since most women are now accustomed to ordering themselves.

7. If you ask her out, you pay!
- for no excuse should this ever NOT be the case, unless you two are in a longer relationship and switch off. NEVER have that awkward point where both reach for their wallets or purses. If you took the time to ask, you better have the funds to pay. If however she wants to see twilight, she gets the popcorn.

8. Whenever you go anywhere to sit, she goes first.
- this includes everything from the theater to church pews. If it is a chair, pull it out for her. If you are getting seated for dinner, you follow her. Hey its not that bad, by following her you not only get an excuse to check out her butt, but also the sports scores without her knowing.

9. Men walk on the curbside.
- O man I have been so wrong for years! While it is fitting in military situations for men to walk on the left, as it is considered the "unguarded side" (not sure what the means, maybe your bazooka is on your right?), it is now customary for men to walk closer to the road. This is done to protect the female from potential road hazards like splashing water and flying Frostys.

10. Holding hands.- this is done with your hand on top of hers. No excuses. Also, since you are walking on the right, it will be your left hand. In addition, if you are going to be a real good man, use this opportunity to assist help her down stairs, out of cars, or over water puddles.

Alright boys, maybe if we follow these 10 simple steps we will once again be able to feel like the Knights of old, saving our damsel in distress and whacking that dragons head off. Funny thing is, in none of those situations did the knight ever mention "baby let's get out of here and go to my place." Nor were massive amounts of alch involved for Rapunzel to let down her hair. Regardless I think its time to step our game back up, and tell those Beyonnce types "you must not know bout me."

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